We go now...

Tomorrow's the big day, and I'm so excited!  My friend Rachel is coming to pick me up at 9am.  We'll go to breakfast, and then it's off to the airport for several LONG flights (but first class will help make it a little better - thank you, Capital One!).  I'll fly from Richmond to New York, then on to Paris (stinks that I won't leave the airport, but maybe I can grab a t-shirt?), and then on into Bangalore for a midnight arrival local time on Friday.

We've already made plans to have lunch with our friends Andrea and Harry from church on Sunday, and Andrea is going to take me shopping in the city next weekend to get me outfitted with some Indian clothes. 

Last week my friend, Sher, gave me a beautiful Indian bracelet with a note explaning that I was to remember that she's praying for me each time I look at it.  I came home from work yesterday to a package on my door.  My friend, Debbie, had driven by and left me a sweet card, journal, and candle to wish me  well.  My friend, Carol, came by last night and prayed with me before I left.  You know you have good friends when they come by, you're in your sweat pants and pony tail, the kitchen sink is full of dishes, and you don't even care!  I've gotten multiple calls and emails from friends this week telling me that they're praying for me and wishing me safe travels.  Just awesome. 

I talked to Brent today, and he's out of the hospital and ready to come pick me up on Friday.  Ella had her "hair appointment" yesterday and is looking mighty fine if I do say so myself (will post pictures soon - her lion cut is worth a good laugh).  Brent's parents are spending the night at the house with me tonight until their power comes back on in Williamsburg (thanks, Irene!).  I'm making my final lists and checking them twice, and everything is set to go. 

So in the words of my Grams, "we go now"!  

Next post will be from Bangalore!!!!  

Suddenly I feel you…

Last night I spent some time with my worship CD playing, just singing to God in my room before I went to sleep.  One of my favorite songs goes like this:

Suddenly I feel You holding me

Suddenly I feel You holding me

Suddenly I feel You holding me

Suddenly I feel You holding me

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Suddenly I feel Your hand in mine

Suddenly I feel Your hand in mine

Suddenly I feel Your hand in mine

Suddenly I feel Your hand in mine

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Suddenly I feel You leading me

Suddenly I feel You leading me

Suddenly I feel You leading me

Suddenly I feel You leading me

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Sweep me away

Jesus held me and led me as I released my fears and concerns to Him throughout the day yesterday.  As I talked to Him about my dilemma, He provided clarity on what I needed to do to get the house taken care of (I was so proud to tell Brent that I’d gotten it all worked out!).  He provided neighbors and friends to help with logistics (getting our mail, starting our cars, turning on the heat in the winter, etc).  He provided parents to take Ella.  He provided my Mama to talk me through some options that I needed discernment on.  He provided peace in my heart.  He provided.

I’ve been humbled yet again at the picture of the body of Christ that God is showing me.  It’s against everything in our natural selves to ask for help and allow others to serve us.  It feels strange, and I hate being an imposition on anyone.  But Jesus knew that I needed to learn this truth about His church.  Ever the patient and gentle Rabbi, He taught me today.      

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

“Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others” (Romans 12:4-5).

Over the past weeks, I’ve had to ask for help many times.  Many more than I wanted to.  I’ve asked people to pray, to spend time with me, to talk when I was lonely, to provide wisdom and discernment, to take over the duties I held in Sunday school, to watch my house, to take my cat, to drive me to the airport, to help me into my house when I locked myself out, to sit with my husband at the hospital, and the list goes on…

Even when I didn’t ask, people offered to have me over for dinner, to clean up my yard after the hurricane, to cut the grass, to let me borrow books and articles to prepare us for the trip…

Community is such a beautiful thing, and as the body of Christ, we are made to depend on one another.  It’s not good to go through this life alone.  There’s a humility and vulnerability associated with asking another for help that draws us closer together.  A few months ago some friends of ours had a sick child in the hospital.  We were overjoyed to sit with them, bring them meals, pray with them.  We didn’t think anything of it.  But for some reason, it’s difficult for me to ask for help. 

With our house-sitter falling through, God’s reminded me that I’m not in control and that His body is alive and well.  These are two more stones that I’ll happily add to my pile. 

The Lord has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy!    

I surrender all...

This morning started like a normal day.  I came to work, drank my coffee, sat through a few meetings, etc.

By 11am, I was completely frazzled and almost in tears (ok, so I actually was in tears at one point but was thankfully able to recover before anyone noticed).

I talked to Brent briefly around 8:30am and found out that the CT scan and ultrasound still hadn’t revealed anything, and the doctors were suggesting a colonoscopy to rule out appendicitis.  Before I could get too many details, Brent had to hang up but promised to call back soon.  I didn’t hear anything for a couple hours and felt nervous about that.  We weren’t sure whether the colonoscopy was necessary (or if the doctors were trying to squeeze some money out of us) but didn’t want to decline a process that might lead to a diagnosis.

Then I got an email from the lady who was supposed to stay in our house letting me know that she hasn’t been able to find a job in Richmond as planned and wouldn’t be able to commit to house-sitting.  

Add to that the fact that I was supposed to give a presentation to about 60 people later that afternoon, and I felt bamboozled to say the least. 

Whew.

Since then I’ve gotten to talk to Brent and found out that he’s actually doing quite a bit better.  His self-reported pain level in his stomach has gone from an 8 of 10 to a 2 or 3, so the antibiotics seem to be working.  He didn’t need to have the colonoscopy after all, and they believe it’s just a bacterial infection.  The doctors expect him to be discharged tomorrow.  I feel so much better just knowing that he’s not in so much pain.

Just yesterday at lunch (before I knew anything about the house), my sweet friend from church offered to come by a couple times a week and work from my house if I needed her to (she’s a writer) just to check on things.  I didn’t realize that I’d need to take her up on the offer, but I know that she genuinely means it so I’ll call her tonight.  That’ll take care of the house.

The only “problem” left is little Ella (our cat), and that’s what is weighing most heavily on me right now.  Brent’s parents will gladly take her in, but I feel so sad about having to take her away from her home that she knows and put her in a foreign environment.  She’s a very scared cat by nature, and I hate having to do that to her.  I also will need to get her semi-shaved (they call it a lion cut) to prevent hairball madness in my mother in law’s house, so I also feel sad about making her go through that process.  Thankfully the vet had an appointment open tomorrow, and I actually realized that she was past due for her rabies so I can take care of that at the same time.  I recognize the blessing that it’s working out for me to have it done, but I still feel sad for her.  I know that God cares for the sparrows and He made the animals.  He loves Ella and will take care of her, but it’s hard to leave her.  I am thankful to have parents who are willing to take her in and friends who are willing to care for our house.

My mom sent me an email today about Ella, and this part was really encouraging to me (and a good reminder):

Ella will survive...I pray for her a lot, even if it seems silly, because I know she's a living, breathing creation of God's, and he cares about how she may feel.  I just wish there were some way of helping her to understand what's going on, and that it's in HER best interests.  Maybe that's how GOD feels about US, wanting us to TRUST that what he's doing is the BEST way, even when we have to be shaved, sent to live in a new, scary place, cared for by people we don't really know, moving about amongst strange furniture in a big new place, and being touched and spoken to by unfamiliar voices and hands.....but all of which are designed by God for our ultimate care.

This all seems like plan B for me, but I know that God is all-knowing and this isn’t a surprise to Him.  He’s pushing me to trust Him with everything, and I’m realizing how out of my control things truly are.  It’s a bit scary, but it’s also a bit of a relief that there’s nothing I can really do.  I’m seeing that even in these last few days when I don’t have the ability to create a nice neat plan that can be executed down to the last detail, God is in control and is faithfully supplying all my needs according to His riches in glory.  And my ways are so far inferior to His ways that I wouldn’t really want my plans to succeed anyway if they’re not in line with His.

Come what may, I’m going to India on Thursday and I’m going to see Brent and get started on this adventure!  God will have to take care of the rest! J

I love the words to this hymn, and they seem very appropriate today:

All to Jesus I surrender;

all to him I freely give;

I will ever love and trust him,

in his presence daily live.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

all to thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;

humbly at his feet I bow,

wordly pleasures all forsaken;

take me Jesus, take me now.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

all to thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;

make me, Savior, wholly thine;

fill me with thy love and power;

truly know that thou art mine.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

all to thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;

Lord, I give myself to thee;

fill me with thy love and power;

let thy blessing fall on me.

I surrender all, I surrender all,

all to thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;

now I feel the sacred flame.

O the joy of full salvation!

Glory, glory to his name!

I surrender all, I surrender all,

all to thee, my blessed Savior,

I surrender all.

Bumps in the road...

This week has been filled with a few unexpected bumps for Brent and me.  I experienced my first earthquake in Virginia (a 5.8 magnitude!), felt the effects of hurricane Irene yesterday, and got a call from Brent this morning that he’s in a hospital in Bangalore with a yet unknown stomach ailment.  Yikes!

The good news?  God is still on His throne, and THAT will never change.

We think that Brent has some kind of stomach bacteria, likely from something he ate.  He started having pretty substantial stomach trouble a couple days ago and missed work on Thursday and Friday, but he had actually started feeling a bit better.  Then it came back with a force in the middle of the night, so he went ahead to the doctor just to be on the safe side.  I got tickled at him again and the way he describes stuff.  When I asked him how he got to the hospital, he just stated matter of fact that he packed a bag (including some books to read since he anticipated a long stay) and walked himself to the ER.  His calm and logical nature makes up for what I lack!  

The hospital admitted him and is running some tests to see what’s going on.  Blood tests and an ultrasound haven’t reveled anything, and they’ve scheduled a CT scan tomorrow (not sure what’s they’re checking for with that).  They’re keeping him hydrated with fluids and have him on several antibiotics (he read me a list of almost 10 different things that mean nothing to me, but hopefully they’re making him better).  I know that India has some of the best medical care, so I trust that he’s in good hands.  Well, actually I know that he’s in the best hands of the ultimate healer and physician regardless of where he is!  On a scale of 1-10, Brent says his stomach pain is about an 8 but he doesn’t seem to have any other major symptoms.  The doctor will come talk to him tomorrow, so hopefully I’ll hear something soon.

It’s really hard to be here and feel so helpless.  I’m not a doctor and obviously can’t do anything for him, but a wife is the best person in the world to hold your hand and rub your head, and he’s not able to get that right now.  But he’s had so many friends come and sit for hours with him at the hospital (I’m not sure he’s been alone since he was admitted), so I know he has good support.  And it’s only a couple more days until I’ll be over there with him.

God calls me to trust him with everything, and I have to do that.  It reminds me of the passage in John where Jesus is talking to His disciples.  Many desert Him and say that His teachings are just too hard.  When He asks the remaining disciples whether they’ll leave Him too, Simon Peter answers, “Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).  When I’m feeling helpless or fearful about Brent being sick (or anything else for that matter), I have the option to seek comfort and wisdom from someone other than God.  But where in the world else would I go besides to Jesus?  He’s everything, and there is nowhere else that we could be safer, wiser, or more protected than under His wings.  I like that.   

Here’s what I’m praising God for today:

• Me and Ella are safe, and God spared our house during the crazy weather so that I wouldn’t have to deal with that alone right before I leave.  
• My friends continue to amaze me with the love and support they offer me while I’m here alone (my sweet neighbors called me during the storm and asked if I wanted to come sit at the house with them in case I was scared – just amazing support!).
• Brent is in good hands at the hospital and has had friends sitting with him there almost constantly since he was admitted almost 2 days ago.
• I have a couple friends from church in the medical profession with multiple international experiences under their belt who are willing and able to help me decipher some of the news I’m getting from Brent so that I can understand what’s going on with him.
• The hospital served Brent jook to eat.  This won’t mean much to most, but it’s a Chinese dish that his mom used to feed him when he was sick as a little kid (it’s a comfort food kind of like chicken noodle soup).  That made me really happy to hear that they had given him that to eat.  It’s a small, but very meaningful, blessing.

Running shoes...

I got so tickled last night talking to Brent.  He was helping me decide what to pack for the trip, and he stressed that I shouldn’t bring heels or shoes that I don’t want to get dirty.  Then he said the following:

“I want you to make sure to bring shoes that strap to your feet and that you can run quickly in”.

Apparently crossing the street in India is a feat equivalent to crossing the 8 lanes of interstate 85 in downtown Atlanta during Friday afternoon rush hour, so he wanted to make sure I had some good running shoes that were up to the task.  All I have is this mental image of him grabbing me by the arm and yelling “OK, GO!”  And us taking off in a dead sprint across the street, hoping we don’t get mowed down by a rickshaw.  We shared a good laugh at this thought!  

The Lord your God is bringing you into a good land…

I leave for India a week from tomorrow, and I’m getting so excited!  Excited to see my husband (yay!!!!), excited to start this journey, and excited to see what God is going to do.

I came across a passage a few weeks back that really challenged me, so I put a daily reminder on my calendar at work that pops up each morning when I’m sifting through emails.  It’s from the book of Deuteronomy. 

 ⁶ Observe the commands of the LORD your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. ⁷ For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; ⁸ a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; ⁹ a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.

 ¹⁰ When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. ¹¹ Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. ¹² Otherwise, when you eat and are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, ¹³ and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, ¹⁴ then your heart will become proud and you will forget the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. ¹⁵ He led you through the vast and dreadful wilderness, that thirsty and waterless land, with its venomous snakes and scorpions. He brought you water out of hard rock. ¹⁶ He gave you manna to eat in the wilderness, something your ancestors had never known, to humble and test you so that in the end it might go well with you. ¹⁷ You may say to yourself, “My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.” ¹⁸ But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.

 ¹⁹ If you ever forget the LORD your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed. ²⁰ Like the nations the LORD destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the LORD your God.

This passage reminds me to keep my eyes focused on God and remember that it’s Him who delivers and blesses me.  Whatever blessings and lessons come out of the next few months, I have to be so careful to remind myself that God is the author of it all.  It’s not my strength that will get me through this time.  It’s not my family, my friends, my health, my knowledge, or anything else of me.  If God allows me to see people in India come to faith, it’s not my words or presentation of the gospel that changes hearts.  If we’re able to help people financially, it’s not my generosity that leads me to give (our hearts are wicked) or my strength that produced the means to give (God’s provided an education and job for us).  God is the one leading me to a new land, and God is the one who will sustain me and grow me.  He’ll lead me through the wilderness into a good land (India will seem strange at first but will become my home very soon), provide daily manna (physical sustenance and His word, my daily bread), and allow me to eat and be satisfied (experience Him and be a part of the work He’s doing).  My only response should be to praise Him for the blessings! 

A Promise Kept…

I’ve been a bit of a blog nut lately, but I just thought of something else today that was so cool to me.  When Brent and I were married, in addition to taking the traditional wedding vows, we made additional vows to each other from the book of Ruth:

Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.  (Ruth 1:16-17)

We obviously used the passage a bit out of context, but I just loved the promise.  When you truly think about promising someone that you’ll go where they go (even if it’s to a foreign country), live where they live (even if it’s in a tiny apartment with bare walls), and will make their people your own (even if they’re from a different culture) – that’s promising a lot!  I meant it when I made that commitment to Brent 5 years ago, and I still mean it today as I follow him to India.

 Bangalore, from our apartment ("where you go, I will go...")

Our apartment ("where you lodge, I will lodge...")

   The people of Bangalore ("thy people shall be my people...")

TP

(From Brent)

This is all the toilet paper you get in a roll in India. They use a water hose system instead. Needless to say I go through one of these a day.

What He Did For Me…

On my drive down to Williamsburg tonight to visit my in-laws, God taught me a very important and convicting lesson.  I was singing to my worship CD, and the song (my brain is temporarily drawing a blank on which one it was) talked about Jesus coming to earth.  It suddenly struck me how much Jesus gave up to come here so that I might have a relationship with Him and eternal salvation. 

I wrote earlier on my blog about my fears of leaving the comforts of America to go to a place that seems foreign, dirty, and strange to me.  This pales in comparison to what Jesus gave up for me.  

He left heaven, a place with glory unsurpassed by anything our minds can even imagine.  He entered a world with sinful humans, dirty streets, sickness, disease, and injustice.  He was the King of King and Lord of Lords, yet He willingly became flesh and was born to a simple family with no riches or fame that He deserved.  He went to a people that not only didn’t welcome Him but spat upon Him, beat Him, mocked Him, and killed Him.  

I’m going to a place where I might be inconvenienced, but it’ll likely be by the overwhelming love and hospitality shown to me and my family.  I might get my clothes dirty, but chances are I won’t be persecuted.  I might miss home and might even become ill, but it’s absolutely nothing compared to what He did for me.  

I’m so thankful that He gently reminded me of this truth.  I’m thankful that He knows we’re dust and tend to become consumed with trivial things, failing to see our lives with His eternal perspective.  I’m thankful that He forgives us when we’re selfish and prideful.  I pray that this lesson will remain close to my heart when I become concerned with the changes before me.  I’m thankful for what He did for me.

The blessing of solitude…

Brent has been gone for 2 weeks as of yesterday, and the time if flying!  I leave for India 3 weeks from today (yikes!).  I guess that means I should start packing!  Over the next two weekends I’ll be visiting with Brent’s parents and my parents to say good-bye.  I’m so glad that I’ll get to see them before I leave. 

Now that I’ve had a couple weeks to adjust to living alone, I’m realizing that it’s actually been a huge blessing for me.  I miss Brent terribly and cannot wait to be living with him again, but having the house/time alone allows me to:   

• Spend as much time as I want doing my Bible study.  I’ve recently started studying Jonah, and I’ve really been enjoying it.  I don’t even really turn on the TV at night, and it’s allowed me time to get into His word completely uninterrupted.
• Pray and sing out loud as much as I want – without anyone caring!
• Really connect with God on a much more personal level.  I love to spill my guts to Brent every day about anything and everything.  Just the little things that happen throughout my day.  I’ve still been able to talk to him daily, but usually only for about 20 minutes, so it’s hard to get all of those details out.  So I’ve started talking to God on more of a conversational level instead of just praying about specific needs.  I actually took a walk the other night and just talked to God (glad none of the neighbors were outside to hear me)!
• It’s also just given me a chance to just enjoy living alone, which is something I haven’t really done before outside of a couple semesters in college.  I can keep my own schedule, cook what I want for dinner, go to sleep when I want, etc.  And I’ve been forced to be a little more independent, which is something I probably needed to work on anyway. 

There’s nothing really stopping me from doing these things while Brent is here, but there’s a freedom in being alone and a necessity to depend on God more.  I think this time has been a good reminder of His sufficiency, and I’ve really been blessed by it.  I’m praying that God will keep me this focused on Him when I have Brent back.

Now about that packing…

Community

(Written by Brent)

I’ve been in India for10 days now. I’ve done my best to immerse myself in the culture, exploring the town in rickshaws, hanging out with the locals, and eating as much Indian food as my stomach can handle. The one thing that has stood out to me above all things so far has been the sense of community that exists in the India. It’s striking when I compare their culture with mine. True I’ve entered back into a month long period of bachelorhood which changes the equation quite a bit. Nonetheless the Indian’s that I’ve met have display hospitality in a way that I’ve seldom seen in America.

            Point in case, a few months back a close friend, Taha, from India came to Richmond for 6 weeks. During his entire stay I saw him maybe 5 times, 3 of which were hanging out at work. Contrast that with my 10 days in India so far, Taha met me at the airport (even though we already had a cab waiting for us), has driven me all over town, and has taken me out to dinner at least half a dozen times. It’s actually embarrassing when I think about how much more hospitality Taha has shown me than I showed him.

            I’ve also made some really great friends at the church I’ve attended the last two weeks. They’ve really taken me in as one of their own, showing as much hospitality to me as Taha. One of the visitors at the church this week, who happened to be from out of the country, made a comment about how much it meant to her to be able be half-way around the world and still be able to fellowship with members of Christ’s family She’s dead right and I couldn’t agree with her more.

The other thing about community here is that the people seem to genuinely enjoy putting themselves last. This too is foreign to me. Often at home I almost feel like I deserve a deep sense of gratitude anytime I remotely put myself out. In fact I can find myself frustrated or even angry if someone fails to thank me for an act of selflessness. This is totally contrary to what Christ instructs us to do. In Luke 6 Jesus tells his disciples to lend expecting nothing in return because He is gracious to the ungrateful. I am so appreciative of the hospitality and community that has been shown to me and hope that I can learn to live according to the way I’ve been called.