This morning started like a normal day. I came to work, drank my coffee, sat through a few meetings, etc.
By 11am, I was completely frazzled and almost in tears (ok, so I actually was in tears at one point but was thankfully able to recover before anyone noticed).
I talked to Brent briefly around 8:30am and found out that the CT scan and ultrasound still hadn’t revealed anything, and the doctors were suggesting a colonoscopy to rule out appendicitis. Before I could get too many details, Brent had to hang up but promised to call back soon. I didn’t hear anything for a couple hours and felt nervous about that. We weren’t sure whether the colonoscopy was necessary (or if the doctors were trying to squeeze some money out of us) but didn’t want to decline a process that might lead to a diagnosis.
Then I got an email from the lady who was supposed to stay in our house letting me know that she hasn’t been able to find a job in Richmond
Add to that the fact that I was supposed to give a presentation to about 60 people later that afternoon, and I felt bamboozled to say the least.
Whew.
Since then I’ve gotten to talk to Brent and found out that he’s actually doing quite a bit better. His self-reported pain level in his stomach has gone from an 8 of 10 to a 2 or 3, so the antibiotics seem to be working. He didn’t need to have the colonoscopy after all, and they believe it’s just a bacterial infection. The doctors expect him to be discharged tomorrow. I feel so much better just knowing that he’s not in so much pain.
Just yesterday at lunch (before I knew anything about the house), my sweet friend from church offered to come by a couple times a week and work from my house if I needed her to (she’s a writer) just to check on things. I didn’t realize that I’d need to take her up on the offer, but I know that she genuinely means it so I’ll call her tonight. That’ll take care of the house.
The only “problem” left is little Ella (our cat), and that’s what is weighing most heavily on me right now. Brent’s parents will gladly take her in, but I feel so sad about having to take her away from her home that she knows and put her in a foreign environment. She’s a very scared cat by nature, and I hate having to do that to her. I also will need to get her semi-shaved (they call it a lion cut) to prevent hairball madness in my mother in law’s house, so I also feel sad about making her go through that process. Thankfully the vet had an appointment open tomorrow, and I actually realized that she was past due for her rabies so I can take care of that at the same time. I recognize the blessing that it’s working out for me to have it done, but I still feel sad for her. I know that God cares for the sparrows and He made the animals. He loves Ella and will take care of her, but it’s hard to leave her. I am thankful to have parents who are willing to take her in and friends who are willing to care for our house.
My mom sent me an email today about Ella, and this part was really encouraging to me (and a good reminder):
Ella will survive...I pray for her a lot, even if it seems silly, because I know she's a living, breathing creation of God's, and he cares about how she may feel. I just wish there were some way of helping her to understand what's going on, and that it's in HER best interests. Maybe that's how GOD feels about US, wanting us to TRUST that what he's doing is the BEST way, even when we have to be shaved, sent to live in a new, scary place, cared for by people we don't really know, moving about amongst strange furniture in a big new place, and being touched and spoken to by unfamiliar voices and hands.....but all of which are designed by God for our ultimate care.
This all seems like plan B for me, but I know that God is all-knowing and this isn’t a surprise to Him. He’s pushing me to trust Him with everything, and I’m realizing how out of my control things truly are. It’s a bit scary, but it’s also a bit of a relief that there’s nothing I can really do. I’m seeing that even in these last few days when I don’t have the ability to create a nice neat plan that can be executed down to the last detail, God is in control and is faithfully supplying all my needs according to His riches in glory. And my ways are so far inferior to His ways that I wouldn’t really want my plans to succeed anyway if they’re not in line with His.
Come what may, I’m going to India
I love the words to this hymn, and they seem very appropriate today:
All to Jesus I surrender;
all to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
humbly at his feet I bow,
wordly pleasures all forsaken;
take me Jesus, take me now.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
make me, Savior, wholly thine;
fill me with thy love and power;
truly know that thou art mine.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
Lord, I give myself to thee;
fill me with thy love and power;
let thy blessing fall on me.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
All to Jesus I surrender;
now I feel the sacred flame.
O the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory to his name!
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.
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